Sure enough, soon his chariot is nearly
blindsided at The Three Ways cross-roads by this other chariot! And the old
dude in the other chariot bulged his eyes out and screamed something really
rude like, “Move over, you moron!” – In ancient
Apparently, Oedipus tries his hardest to be a good man and avoid crime: by fleeing his “parents” he wants to save them. Apparently, he has a temper problem, for which he will pay, but he does not know it yet. On the other hand, who wouldn’t have a short fuse, carrying on their shoulders the heavy burden of his oracle, which denies him sleep?
As if her diminishing
net-worth wasn’t bad enough for queen Jocaste, this
murderous Sphinx now moved into the Kingdom, devouring travelers to and from
The Sphinx had been hanging out there, enjoying herself by eating travelers. When we say “eating” – the pleasure was all hers, although she maintained that the young men were content to die in her deadly embrace: she was this self-described “sexy” creature – a winged lioness with a face and tits of Sharon Stone, when she was still young enough to act in “Basic Instinct.” The lads didn’t feel so bad being ripped apart by a pussy-cat, she argued. “The more famous and powerful I get, the more power I have to hurt men,” gloated Sharon Stone at a public interview in one of her subsequent incarnations, some 3,000 years later. She liked to play with her food before devouring it.
Having arrived in
“What animal walks on four legs in the morning, two in the afternoon, then three in the evening, and is strongest when it has the fewest legs?”
Without skipping a bit, our home-schooled young intellectual said, “Man.”
The answer was correct: a baby, who crawls on all four in the early morning of the man’s life; then young adult, then – an old man with a cane.
So the Sphinx gets really upset and commits a suicide: she flies away into the blue yonder, then folds her wings and drops into the sea like a stone (not Sharon Stone.) We suggest that Sharon Stone, much aged since her 1992 movie, should take a cue from the Sphinx and jump in the lake.
Sophocles kept all the elements of the original myth in his play. Oedipus does not go on a physical rampage against the Sphinx like Hercules would. He is a man of intelligence, who sees the consequences of his actions, who strives to be a good king, and is courageous enough to investigate what turn out to be his own crimes, in which he is being played like a pawn. His victory over the Sphinx is a proof. A fragment from Euripides' lost play Oedipus (later than Sophocles'), sums it up:
“The mind is what one must consider, the mind. What is the use of physical beauty, when one does not have beauty in the mind?”
Anyway, Oedipus is a hero, who used his main muscle – his brain, to defeat the evil Sphinx; and now he wins his prize, his bride. He does not know it yet, but he is facing a second riddle, which proves much harder to crack: now the new sphinx is his mother who outsmarted his father and even herself, along with the rest of the world. In the competition of the two minds, it is no contest, and Oedipus is utterly clueless that the prophecy is unfolding.
His lascivious, still
curvaceous bride was happy to bed a young hunk half her age, and everyone in
Jocaste was maybe in her mid 30's now and Oedipus was about 18 years younger, but hey, she was but one name on a long list of celebrities, marrying boys half their own age or younger, boys to whom some of the brides could have been their grandmothers.
The list is really far too long to fit into our brief story, so we will just name a few: Katie Couric, the darling of CBS news, frolicking with Brooks Perlin, a prep-school son of a billionaire investor Sanford Perlin; Mary Tylor Moore, marrying S. Robert Levine, who could have been her grandson; Dinah Shore – Burt Reynolds; Elizabeth Taylor – Larry Fortensky; Barbara Hershey – Naveen Andrews; Lillian Vernon – Paolo Martino; Carol Burnett – Brian Miller; Ivana Trump – Rossano Rubicon; Joan Collins – Robin Hurlstone; Gina Lollobrigida – Javier Rigau y Rafols, Demi Moore – Ashton Kutcher; Brigitte Nielsen – Mattia Dessi; Tina Turner – Erwin Bach, etc., etc. But, I digress.
These wealthy old hags beatified their saggy, multifold midsections by industrial strength liposuctions, and tightened up their buttocks and other cheeks by pounds of Botox injections. That done, they could have it now both ways: well, what we mean is they could continue talking up a storm in the media about sexual exploitation of women, but could also save a bundle on replacing batteries in their dildos: The young lads were like Energizer bunnies in their wives’ experienced motherly hands.